USA Cup

Soccer. America's greatest past time. Full of fast paced action and non stop scoring. In my mind, the greatest thing man has ever created. Thus he has bestowed upon us the U.S.A. Cup. A cup like no other that drips the nectar of the Gods.

The tournament of tournaments sits at no other then the National Sports Center in Blaine, MN. Some have compared it to the roman coliseum, some haven't. 14,000 global warriors will compete for all the glory, that is, the U.S.A. Cup.

Why the hell you would choose to hold any global soccer tournament any where in the United States of America is beyond me. All of you freaks who believe in conspiracy theories try to figure that one out. Here is my only explanation. The city of Blaine, MN used to be the land of sod fields. Sod fields that went on for days. You would believe the world is flat if you lived in the center of Blaine. So some genius decided to buy up the sod fields and convert them all into soccer fields by simply placing two goals on a lot. 20 some odd years later you have the largest soccer tournament in the country. Go figure.


Why do I care? I don't. Except for the fact that from July 15th,-25th my town will be invaded by even more crazy soccer moms, foreigners, and soccer fanatics, i.e. hooligans. Nothing against foreigners though, but when I have to serve you and you don't speak my language things get testy after the 500th French customer.


I just don't want to deal with the congestion it brings. Soccer is an alright sport, I just wish we had something cooler in Blaine. Our next big event will be the 3M senior classic golf tour at the TPC right next to my house. I can't wait for that one. I couldn't even drive my own car down my street without being stopped by a cop asking where I lived. Given I have respect for how difficult golf can get, but to be honest it's a god awful sport. I dig the concept, but the attitude golf brings just makes me want to vomit. Maybe that's what I'll do, every time a cop stops me I'll stick my finger down my throat and vomit all over them. I'll probably shoot golf balls off my roof too, just to throw them off. -USA Cup link